What Was Mine
by Mac-alicious
Summary: What Derek Venturi wants, Derek Venturi gets. But what if Sam had it first? Would it make a difference? The answer, No. Sam's POV. Slight Dasey inclination but not what it's about people.


A/N: This is in Sam's POV. Yeah weird. I know. I wrote this as Sam's thoughts, because I don't think Casey would be the only one who wasn't so happy about 'what Derek wants, Derek gets'. I guess it has a slight Dasey inclination, but it's not about that. Anyway...here it is. R&R! Thanks. -Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek.

**What Was Mine**

What Derek Venturi wants, Derek Venturi gets. It's one of those things you just have to accept, whether you like it or not. As his best friend, I had to learn that the hard way. But I had gotten used to it eventually. I had to, otherwise our friendship never would have lasted.

I learned to never grow attached to anything, because if I did Derek might have decided he wanted it for himself. If I had something he wanted, the would take it. It was as simple as that. I learned to not complain about how he treated me. I wasn't going to risk the friend he was when he had what he wanted over something as trivial as a toy or a new video game.

But that was when we were young. Now the things he wanted weren't so trivial. I made sure to never mention anything about the girls I started to like. I was afraid that if I said anything good about a girl, Derek would decide she was worthy of a date with _The_ Derek Venturi. And when a girl is faced with a date with Derek Venturi (insert feminine squeal here), she isn't going to give his slightly less cool best friend a second glance. I was content with a non-existent love life if it meant I didn't have anything that Derek would want to take from me.

Then I met her. She was the one thing I thought he could never want. She was the one thing he couldn't have. I thought I had finally found something I could have if I wanted it. I didn't have to be afraid that he might take her from me. It was perfect. Casey MacDonald was the perfect girl to like. She was the perfect girl for me to want for myself.

And as if things could get any better, she liked me too. She wasn't starstruck by the Great Derek Venturi. She didn't swoon in his presence. She didn't fall at his feet and let him walk all over here. She was perfect. And safe. Safe, because he couldn't possibly want her. Right?

I remember the first time I realized how wrong I was. It was during our first real fight. I saw the way she pulled away from me, the way her eyes wouldn't connect with mine. At first, I thought it was normal. If it was going to end, it would end on our terms. It wouldn't have anything to do with _him_. We didn't have the right chemistry. She wasn't ready for a relationship. She would have some excuse for leaving me, but it wouldn't have anything to do with him. And any reason would be good enough for me if it didn't involve him.

But she didn't leave me, she didn't give me a reason, she just stayed. And because of that I knew it was over. I wasn't enough for her, I wasn't right for her, but she was staying with me...Why? Because she realized she wanted something she couldn't have. Him.

After that I started to notice things that would have pointed me to that conclusion if I hadn't been so blind to them before. The way Derek always corrected someone who referred to Casey as his sister (she was his _step_-sister, get it right). I used to think it was because he was so annoyed by her presence that no one should even have the nerve to imply that they were related. Now, I see it as him declaring that she isn't off limits.

I see the looks that pass between them. At first glance they look like death glares, but if you look close enough there is a different emotion there that is out of place. I see the accidental touches that make them hesitate in whatever they are doing. I see the way they force themselves to blow up about it to down play any suspicions the hesitation might have raised. I see it all.

Sometimes I wonder why I stayed in the relationship after I figured that out. Why I accepted the unspoken lies in Casey's eyes everytime she looked at me. I don't know why. I just held onto her as long as I could, because no matter how short of time it was, for that brief moment _I_ had her and he didn't.

I had her and he didn't, for that time I had what he wanted and he couldn't have her. To spite him and his selfishness, I kept her as long as I could. And maybe that only made me just as selfish as him. But I couldn't understand why he had to want _her_? _Her_, of all things, of all people? _Her_, the only thing I allowed myself to want? I resented him for that. For the first time in my life since I had become friends with Derek, I stood up for myself. Even if he didn't know that was what I was doing. Because how could he? They both thought I was clueless. I was supposed to be oblivious to everything, even if it was going on right under my nose. So I played my part for as long as I could.

I played my part right up until we broke up for the final time. Even then I never let on that I knew. I never let on that once we were through, Derek would get what he wanted. I never let on.

Because what Derek wants, Derek gets. I accepted that a long time ago. I refuse to get attached to anything anymore. Not even to the things I think he can never have, because he might just find a way to get it.

Maybe one day I'll realize that it was for the best. I'll see that what they have is more than a simple attraction mixed with Derek's charm. I'll see that what Casey and I had wasn't real in the sense that is should have been. I'll have that grand epiphany that what Derek and Casye have is real, genuine, pure, true love. And I was never going to have that with Casey.

Maybe I will someday feel that way, but for now I don't. For now, I will just submit to the fact that he got what he wanted, again. I accept that it won't be the last time. I accept that I can't have her, but maybe that's just how it was meant to be. Maybe if I can move on, I can find something for myself. Something to be truly mine. Something he won't want to take from me. Until then, I'll let Derek get what he wants. And I'll just be the slightly less cool best friend, who never gets a second glance.

**A/N2: Come on you guys...review for me! Review! You know what to do. Push the button, push the button. Okay, seriously. Don't make me beg. I will beg. I will. I'll do it seriously. I'm not above begging. So just review. Just do it. DO IT:) -Mac**


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